There are three naming companies in the United States that I would consider calling in if I needed a name for my company or for an important new product. Except that, knowing what I know, I wouldn’t call them. I’d call me. First off, they typically charge six to seven figures for a vetted name. And while a name is an important brand asset, you’ll see some examples below of compelling, memorable, approved brand and product names that didn’t require that level of investment. Second off, their names are often predictable, undifferentiated, forgettable, and sometimes—especially in the world of pharma—incomprehensible. These names often require a massive media spend to jackhammer them into that part of our consciousness where memory lives, tucked in a file marked “annoying ear worm that I hope I never have to hear or think about again.” Third off, one of those naming companies, the one currently laying claim to “world’s top naming company,” has called me in to help them when they couldn’t crack a particularly nettlesome creative challenge.

A number of design, branding, and innovation firms have called me in over the past twenty years, to help them develop their clients’ brand positioning, story, company and product naming or renaming, brand voice, and messaging. A few of those firms have called me in multiple times over the years, and continue to do so. Sometimes, their clients insist on it. Have a look at the Meet the Expert Advisor section, to see how designers, colleagues, and clients answered the question, “Where have you seen me bring value to a design project, if at all? And you get extra points for candor.”

I’ve learned that the best names come not from a “proprietary algorithm” or from well-prompted AI, but the most powerful and efficacious names come from the most compelling, emotional stories. Profoundly human stories. The name should tee up a beautifully-articulated story, and vice versa. That’s why I always begin with competing narratives, supported by positioning lines that help us prove out the utility and extensibility of the directions, and, ultimately, of the names themselves. This is one of the primary benefits of collaborating with Austin Moffatt Barkwell Howe, Namer, Positioner, Writer, Brand Voicer: a history of telling great stories. In long and short form.

By the way, Austin Moffatt Barkwell Howe, Namer, Positioner, Writer, Brand Voicer is my actual legal company name. It describes exactly who I am and exactly what I do. Plus, the IRS has to spell the whole damned name out on every one of their forms. My bank recently informed me that mine was the longest company name in their 5-state network. I’ll take the win.

Disclaimer: Some clients may still feel the need to hire a big naming company for their own job security and peace of mind. There is truth to the old adage that “nobody ever got fired for hiring Landor.” But as one of my more notable fellow countrymen once advised, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” (Bonus points if you know who that was.)